I spent eight years moving from place to place looking for somewhere that felt like home. During that time I had many views. From under the Triboro Bridge, a garden view of a park, a view of Journal Square, a view of NYC across the Hudson River, and a view of my own backyard in New Jersey. With all of those views in my past, I find it surprising that my new apartment is my favorite...because I love the view on the inside. Its set back from the street with plenty of windows to both the back alley and the pool in the neighbors back yard. But its the simple old molding and cream walls contrasted with the dark wood doors that give me that cozy nest-like feeling...especially when things start to get chilly around here. I am secretly happy that I am not allowed to paint the walls because it has given me an amazing canvas for my art collection. The built in cabinets and multiple closets make it seem like I could stay here for a long time. I even took an extra closet (which until now has been a foreign concept to me) and made it into a meditation nook.
Perhaps this is symbolic too of my life right now...you know I love symbolism!! After looking on the outside for happiness and personal growth for 8 years, I am finally looking inside. What I used to search for in others I now find in myself and my own space. I spent years focusing on making others happy and sacrificing myself --often ending up disappointed. Now I realize that I need to start focusing on my needs, and work on renovating the inside.
I have been working with a mantra for about a year now "Om Namah Shivaya" and this week I started
getting a tattoo of it. It directly translates to "I bow to Shiva" and I have interpreted it to mean honor the divinity that resides within you. Your inner god, your inner spirit, and most importantly for me...your inner strength. That voice and intuition that you always curse yourself for ignoring. That gut feeling that is always there. I am working on tuning into it, and defining my true self. It is hard to break the habit of ignoring that voice. It has given me just as much strength to have these words (or half of them so far) hug my skin as it has to chant them for clarity in times of chaos. I am excited to watch my growth as the exterior mantra is completed over the next month. It may sound silly, but seeing those words outside provide me with the reminder to listen to my inside. And I guess in someways it removes the barrier between the two.
Just like my personal growth over the past year...this tattoo process is very painful at times (apparently I couldn't have picked a more painful spot), but out of it grows beauty and light. The same sweat and pain that I push through to build and create art, the same pain that taught me when others hurt me, is the evident in this process. And I will acknowledge its existence and look forward to seeing the result.
Yet another self reflective blog post, but I hope it helps you tune into your intuition more. This whole blog will not be reciting this growth and personal reflection, but I couldn't avoid writing about the pain on my side this week :)
This seemed like a good time to share images of my apartment's inner view with you. This place is all about re-purposing and accident in design..a.k.a. how to put a 2 bedroom house in a studio!!
These are my Aunt Melia's Fans. They are the one thing that I always remembered about her apartment, and I am honored to display them in mine. My Grandfather brought them back from one of his trips for her.
This is my front hall, and yes those are shoes hanging from the doorknob. Its my new artsy way to express creative freedom, and they like it there. A Tord Boontje light (www.tordboontje.com or www.modernpoverty.com) is hanging from an existing fixture. I had to have a little bit of funky hanging around, and I adore his work. Makes me wish I understood more about metal and plastic fabrication.
My Meditation Nook...Zebra print helps me escape...most of you should not be surprised by this. There is a window above the wall on the right of the photo so I figured it was okay to hang out in the closet and pretend its a small room. Its nice to be able to close the door on everything and just sit.
This built in China Cabinet is 100% why I took this apartment. There is a pull out under the drawers to work on as well. Makes the place actually feel like a kitchen.
This is my not-so-easy-bake oven. A future post will address exactly how one cooks in this. And yes, the microwave is extra small so the oven won't get jealous....or scared of it.
This is where I blog, teach, and paint. I love my office, and that it is 4 steps from my fridge! The rug on the wall at the right is one my Dad brought back from Thailand in the 60s. I always liked the colors in it. The chair was bought in Newton, NJ for $10 on one of my antiquing trips. I have been meaning to reupholster it for 3 years now...maybe this winter I will finally do it!
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