Tuesday, September 29, 2009

This look is just so much more me...

Hope you like the new layout!

Frigid

In honor of the fact that my apartment is freezing..here's a little poem I wrote years ago.

A cool breeze blows against my skin.
Or was that just your touch?
Am I not good enough for her?
You can't make me better.
You will water me down.
Freeze me,
And kill my flavor.

Sure you'll add atmosphere,
Rattling in my glass,
Pushing me aside.
But she can't drink atmosphere
As she walks across the room.
         A man approaches her from behind,
         His lines are as cheap as his motivation.
         He looks misplaced in his tuxedo.
         She shudders,
         But agrees to dance
         Since he already infected her black dress
         With his hand on her back.

She sets us down on a table as an afterthought.
My bubbles hate you,
You know.
They only act like they like clinging to you.
It just feels like they are a massage.
That is not their goal.
         As he spins her around on the floor
         She "accidentally" steps on his feet.
         He thinks she is trying to get closer.

She and I are both trapped here
Sick of being played with.
Too tired to think of an excuse.

Go on,
Keep thinking you are what she loves.
The rest of the world knows
That she hates the way you bounce off her nose as she drinks.
         The way you hold her too tight.
         Suffocating her
         With your cologne.
You are just obstacles.


Sunday, September 27, 2009

Fall and Food

I thought I would spend today doing a little hiking or reading in the park before the fall chill sets in next week, but I am in bed nursing a cold. Reading is still an option, but I keep falling asleep just when things get good. The drowsy effect that a sinus infection causes is a sure way to cut time with a novel short!

Speaking of health, in light of some resurfacing joint pain the past few weeks I am trying a new diet. Perhaps that has shocked my system into this cold! I have officially lasted a week without soda, which I haven't done since I was in college. I only fell off the healthy kick once for a greasy pizza so I am pretty proud of myself. I am taking cues from an old roommate and focusing on managing free radicals by increasing my anti oxidants. So white tea, flax seeds, and fish are back on the list. Well, to be honest fish never really was on the list so this is kind of a big deal.

Cooking fish for 1 is a bit of a puzzzle as it reheats so poorly, but I am determined to try. After all if I can correct things by altering what I eat instead of scary drugs I'm all for it. No official diagnosis yet...we start that process Monday. However, I'm not sure I will trust anything that doesn't come with black and white test results these days.

Speaking of food--It is amazingly freeing that I am not fasting for Yom Kippur Monday. I did last year out of habit and for comfort, and I have done plenty of reflection over the last week consistent with the Jewish new year. The fasting just seems too attached to the past and not of the present moment. I may participate again in the future and my thoughts are with my Jewish friends that they have an easy fast and a healthy transition into the New Year.

That's all for now, but if anyone has any good salmon or tilapia recipies please share!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Room with a View


I spent eight years moving from place to place looking for somewhere that felt like home.  During that time I  had many views.  From under the Triboro Bridge, a garden view of a park, a view of Journal Square, a view of NYC across the Hudson River, and a view of my own backyard in New Jersey.  With all of those views in my past, I find it surprising that my new apartment is my favorite...because I love the view on the inside. Its set back from the street with plenty of windows to both the back alley and the pool in the neighbors back yard. But its the simple old molding and cream walls contrasted with the dark wood doors that give me that cozy nest-like feeling...especially when things start to get chilly around here.  I am secretly happy that I am not allowed to paint the walls because it has given me an amazing canvas for my art collection.  The built in cabinets and multiple closets make it seem like I could stay here for a long time.  I even took an extra closet (which until now has been a foreign concept to me) and made it into a meditation nook.

Perhaps this is symbolic too of my life right now...you know I love symbolism!!  After looking on the outside for happiness and personal growth for 8 years, I am finally looking inside.  What I used to search for in others I now find in myself and my own space.  I spent years focusing on making others happy and sacrificing myself --often ending up disappointed.  Now I realize that I need to start focusing on my needs, and work on renovating the inside. 

I have been working with a mantra for about a year now "Om Namah Shivaya" and this week I started
getting a tattoo of it.  It directly translates to "I bow to Shiva" and I have interpreted it to mean honor the divinity that resides within you.  Your inner god, your inner spirit, and most importantly for me...your inner strength. That voice and intuition that you always curse yourself for ignoring.  That gut feeling that is always there.  I am working on tuning into it, and defining my true self.  It is hard to break the habit of ignoring that voice.  It has given me just as much strength to have these words (or half of them so far) hug my skin as it has to chant them for clarity in times of chaos.  I am excited to watch my growth as the exterior mantra is completed over the next month.  It may sound silly, but seeing those words outside provide me with the reminder to listen to my inside.  And I guess in someways it removes the barrier between the two.

Just like my personal growth over the past year...this tattoo process is very painful at times (apparently I couldn't have picked a more painful spot), but out of it grows beauty and light. The same sweat and pain that I push through to build and create art, the same pain that taught me when others hurt me, is the evident in this process.  And I will acknowledge its existence and look forward to seeing the result. 

Yet another self reflective blog post, but I hope it helps you tune into your intuition more.  This whole blog will not be reciting this growth and personal reflection, but I couldn't avoid writing about the pain on my side this week :)

This seemed like a good time to share images of my apartment's inner view with you.  This place is all about re-purposing and accident in design..a.k.a. how to put a 2 bedroom house in a studio!!

These are my Aunt Melia's Fans.  They are the one thing that I always remembered about her apartment, and I am honored to display them in mine.  My Grandfather brought them back from one of his trips for her.




This is my front hall, and yes those are shoes hanging from the doorknob.  Its my new artsy way to express creative freedom, and they like it there.  A Tord Boontje light (www.tordboontje.com or www.modernpoverty.com) is hanging from an existing fixture.  I had to have a little bit of funky hanging around, and I adore his work.  Makes me wish I understood more about metal and plastic fabrication. 

My Meditation Nook...Zebra print helps me escape...most of you should not be surprised by this.  There is a window above the wall on the right of the photo so I figured it was okay to hang out in the closet and pretend its a small room.  Its nice to be able to close the door on everything and just sit.

This built in China Cabinet is 100% why I took this apartment.  There is a pull out under the drawers to work on as well.  Makes the place actually feel like a kitchen.


This is my not-so-easy-bake oven. A future post will address exactly how one cooks in this.  And yes, the microwave is extra small so the oven won't get jealous....or scared of it.


This is where I blog, teach, and paint.  I love my office, and that it is 4 steps from my fridge!  The rug on the wall at the right is one my Dad brought back from Thailand in the 60s.  I always liked the colors in it.  The chair was bought in Newton, NJ for $10 on one of my antiquing trips.  I have been meaning to reupholster it for 3 years now...maybe this winter I will finally do it!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

A Weekend Trip to Fill the Hug Tank....

Today's world is kind of crazy, especially for those of us who grew up with the expectations of the 80s and 90s.  Believe it or not, insanity and instability allowed me to hatch whole new life!  In the past year I have started a new job, moved to a place that actually feels like home, reignited my passions for creating art, and simplified my life in so many ways.  I didn't realize how heavy the emotional suitcases I tote around were until I was forced to purge them.  Its amazing how a bit of editing can free your spirit up for new experiences.

I am currently embracing the concept of weekend travel.  I used to think that the only way to use my vacation time was a week at a beach with a good book.  This is still on the list of my favorite things to do, but not always feasible with my schedule--I'm a bit of a professional schedule juggler these days.  I spent the last year taking advantage of the wonderful world of 3 day weekends, and traveling to see friends in other cities.  Quick trips can be stressful if you have big plans for them, but they can be just what the doctor ordered if you simply want to spend time with a long lost friend.  For instance, I recently flew out west just to take drive through the desert and visit the art fair.  All the while reconnecting with an old friend as we talked about finding our places as artists in this economy.  Last Spring I spent two days in my old stomping grounds wandering around the streets of New York.  I ate my favorite cupcakes at Billy's, wandered through the Barnes and Noble in Union Square, stopped for a birthday pedicure, and dined at my favorite Mexican restaurant Arriba, Arriba!   The best part was just walking through the city without a game plan flanked on each sided by great company..oh, and the guacamole in my tummy didn't hurt!

I have known for years that I am equipped with a hug tank....a gas tank for my soul.  I think we all are in some ways, but my mileage is directly related to what goes in it.  When I am low on hugs, I'm just not on top of my game.  It effects my mood, personality, creativity and productivity.  Bottom line--hugs are like oxygen for my soul.  Does this make me needy?  Maybe, but a hug is a two way street and its the exchange that fuels me.  I am grateful for the many close friends who have recently stepped up in order to fill up, and hope they appreciate the return on their investment.  The benefit to moving around a bit in life and working with the traveling spirits of the theatre world is that I have huggers in many places, and its a joy to visit them all. 

So--take a moment and make a hug investment in your local peeps today, or plan a trip to visit and invest in one of your "life-path twins."  We all have them, those people who are in the same place at the same time along life's road map.  The ones who you solve the puzzles of life along side.  In a world where financial investments are rocky and intimidating--take comfort that a hug investment will pay you back at an amazing rate.